following are some of the more interesting questions that I
have received from you about Tantra and sexuality and relationships.
I will be constantly adding to this page as more great stuff
comes in. If you have any questions, please feel free to write
me and I will answer you personally, and maybe post it here,
anonymously, of course.
One Find Enlightenment through Relationship?
Write your question...
have been trying to tackle an issue for quite some time now.
I am involved in a beautiful relationship. My being pounds fiercely
with love when even an image of her flashes in my mind’s
eye. We have every intention of marriage. At the same time,
calling even more powerfully, profoundly, is Shakti. Hers is
a call I will not ignore.
When the Kundalini energy awakened within me, and began clearing
the blocks in my sex chakra, I experienced such a huge increase
in sexual desire. My knowledge of kundalini was minimal, and
me and my partner enjoyed ourselves. Now, thanks to all the
posts steeped in wisdom, and reading (I’ve just finished
Autobiography of a Yogi, excellent!!!), and introspection, I
now know that sexual energy is a driving force behind Kundalini
energy and it’s trip up to the higher chakras. Sex to
climax diverts the Shakti down towards physical pleasure. It
is wasteful to one attempting to speed his spiritual evolution.
recently, the urge to know Self and raise K has grown11-fold.
It is the guide in front and the demon in back. It leads me
with flawless wisdom. I find now that I’m considering
not getting married more and more. Not for any illusory "fault" in my girlfriend. She is centered in the material, and I love
her dearly. A healthy, sexual relationship is very important
to her and I want her to be happy and fulfilled. Sometimes I
think that the married life would distract me from the goal
of Self-realization that I so deeply yearn for.
pains me greatly to think of her in anguish. Our love has reached
mountainous peaks. She is the warm mother who holds my head
in her lap and soothes me when Kundalini is raging free. I don’t
want to let her go, because she said she "couldn’t
bear it to speak with me" if I ever left her. I’ll
cherish her forever, but now I want to know All in the lap of
she just another "attachment"?? Even in such love
that we share? Am I crazy for even thinking about throwing her
to the wind? (I just hope the wind catches her and sets her
someplace safe). Your advice is appreciated.
is a mistake to interpret your readings to infer that sexual
activity with your Beloved is to be frowned upon. In fact, it
is one of the fastest, easiest ways to raise your frequency
to help remember who you are. We are a wholistic mechanism,
with integration of all our parts and Chakra's necessary to
our wholeness and full expression of the divine in physical
are many forms of teachings in Tantra. Some advise a celibate
path, and others, embrace the opposite sex as an essential ingredient
to enlightenment. You must trust what you inside feel called
to explore. I suggest that with this love that you share, that
you path might be better served continuing your exploration
with your lover, rather than without. As regards attachment,
it sounds like you are on the right track, choosing to honor
your lover’s well being over your own desire. However,
in this case I think you would both be best served to explore
enlightenment through your union, including sexual connections.
we speak of non-attachment, what is recommended is that the
highest good for both parties is what is important. If your
pattern of relating conflicts with either of your highest good,
then we suggest that you first look to yourself to see what
patterns in you need adjustment or change. Once that is complete,
either your partner will vibrate in harmony with the change
of the writers you have encountered focus more on the development
of the upper Chakras. Interestingly enough, I have found a plethora
of beings at this time who have beautifully developed upper
Chakras, but are who are in denial and in varying degrees of
rejection of their lower Chakras. They don't realize what they
are missing. To deny any part of yourself, is to create dis-ease!
Source created all that we are, and all parts of what we are – are to be honored and work together integrally. Tantra
teaches us to fully integrate our spiritual (upper Chakras)
and physical being (lower Chakras) to maximize our potential
in this third dimensional experience. We are spirit in the body.
We need to learn how to really understand and use the potential
of these bodies to optimize the gifts the physical has to offer.
they also refer to is the being conscious about what the bible
terms, "spilling of the seed." Know that orgasm and
ejaculation are two separate processes. In this society we just
think they are the same. The Tantric Masters use ejaculation
consciously for "procreating," not only babies, but
also for dreams/goals/intent - aiming their life force energy
at their dream vision or to a specific place in their physical
or energy bodies. This is called sex magick. Orgasm and full-body
orgasm are a delight that helps you connect with the divine,
alone or with a partner.
glorious, divine fun with your lover so that together you can
experience high, sacred Tantric union..
I was reading your Q&A section at the Trantra site and came
across your reference to "blue balls" in relation
to energy blockage. I am assuming you are refering to the male
testicleswith this expression. What I'd like to know is if blue
balls have an actual visual recognition about them ??? Are they
blue, or what ever ???
reason I ask is that for as long as I can remember my testicles,
or more acurately; my scrotum has a very darkishcolor, especially
when contracted. I'm 43 now, olive skinned, and have nude sun
bathed on and off most of my life, which I have always thought
to be the reason for this darkish coloration. Since I haven't
ever really paid attention to other men's balls I've never known
that mine appear any different. Well, until I met one lady who
made a point of it and seemed quite curious over it. She said
all the men she has known have pinkish scrotums. News to me
So, I was wondering if could you clarify this for me to some
degree. I'd really appreciate knowing more about it if you know
something about it. Thanks. And my balls thank you.
Sincerly looking forward to your regardful reply.
your coloration, a darker scrotum is perfectly normal.
Balls refers to a state of physical discomfort in which arousal and focused energy
remains in the testicles without ejaculation or spreading the
energy to other parts of the body.
don't know if you can answer this question or not. I am a 27
yr old heterosexual male who is into bondage and being tickled
unmercifully. My partner is not overly excited about trying
this. Any suggestions? It is a fantasy I want to live out soon!
this is a "must do" fantasy, my suggestion to you
is that you locate a professional Dominitrix for a session.
If it is possible, it would be preferable to discuss this with
your partner and make some agreements around this. Even better,
if possible, include your partner as a voyeur in the session
so that she gets a taste of what it is you are wanting - to
see if it opens more communication, exploration, and adventure
in your relationship.
am at the moment concerned with contraception. I was considering
having an injection of Depo Provera, but the side effects are
less than pleasing. Especially the one that it may cause infertility
later in life. I eventually want to have children so that is
definitely not an option for me. I have read up on the drug
on the internet but
of course it does not mention that as a possible side effect.
am 28 years of age and have been taking the Pill for close to
10 years now. Unfortunately I missed taking some and ended up
pregnant. For many reasons, my partner and I decided that we
should have it terminated. I was told that with this procedure
there is no chance of not being fertile afterwards. I have since
taken the Pill even less than regularly and stopped it all together.
For now we are using a barrier method, condoms. Since stopping
the pill my periods have still been regular, no complications.
am at a loss as to a reliable method as there are many complications
and side effects with so many available means. For example,
the IUD, my mother ended up having to have hers surgically removed.
consideration for me is a history of Depression, which is secondary
to my Anxiety Disorder. I have panic attacks from time to time
and sometimes can't leave the house. I have a very low stress
tolerance. At this stage I have been off work for just over
a year on extended leave. So financially and health wise I am
well. My physical health is allright, if not for the fact that
I am a tad overweight for my height. Oh and I also smoke, I
realise that is not good when you're on a hormonal contraceptive
such as the pill as it can be related to heart problems.
you have any questions about me, don't hesitate to ask. I do
want to do the right thing by myself, my health and my partner
and his health.
hope you can help me out or point me in the right direction.
I thank you for your time in reading this and I consider it
a pleasure to meet you and write to you
agree, the current contraceptive choices available are terrible!
I have been searching this one myself for years.
favorite option is men with vasectomies. Otherwise, the means
that I like the best is a product called "Erogel." It is a personal lubricant that is water soluable and will not
adversely affect condoms. It works not only as a spermicide,
but also helps prevent the transmission of STD's (sexually transmitted
diseases). I am normally highly sensitive to most spermicides.
They use a chemical called non-oxidol 9, which is a small molecule
that somehow irritates my sensitive vaginal tissue and makes
me burn like hell! This product has non-oxidol 15, which is
a larger molecule that hasn't given me any irritation, even
after repeated use. It can be obtained via the internet at www.doctorg.com.
And no bad taste! Mention that I sent you!
use it with a diaphragm.
other favorite was the contraceptive sponge barrier. I loved
it! Except they used the non-oxidol 9 spermacide in it and after
a few uses, my vagina became horribly enflamed. If you are not
overly sensitive, this is a great way to go. The sponge doesn’t
interfere with your partner and it is fairly effective.
luck! Keep me posted on your progress.
have never tried spermicidal gels, etc. But I do have a problem
with sensitivity. Sometimes condoms make me itch and some lubricants,
well they burn at times. It would be so much simpler if my partner
could have a vasectomy, but since we want children later on,
it's not really an option.
for Diaphragms, I have thought of them. Don't you have to put
a spermicide on them when you insert them? You can't keep them
in for any extended amount of time after sex can you?
have you heard any bad reports or otherwise on Depo-Provera?
It looks like the best choice for me personally at this stage.
I worry about the fertility factor afterward. I have heard it
may take some time afterwards to conceive, up to 18 months.
But then I've heard it may affect you for good. It just depends
on what the drug companies will have you believe I guess.
again for your time
have a basic distrust of Depo-Provera and the pill, etc. I currently
am fighting with the devastating symptoms of estrogen/progesterone
imbalance. Read the book, "What your Doctor Never Told
You About Menopause"by Dr. Lee. It discusses the problems
that hormonal imbalance can raise. At the very least, if I decided
to use something like that, I would get my hormonal levels checked
periodically, both around my period time, and non-period time.
too, have had problems with spermicides, as I said, but the
one I recommended does not seem to irritate me and is an STD
preventative because the molecule is larger... It is the only
one I use and worth a try. Yes, I would recommend this spermacide
with the diaphragm. You are supposed to wear the diapragm for
8 hours post-coitus, if there is an ejaculation. I have also
found I like to use it to manage the flow of blood during my
period, with a small pad, rather than a tampon. This way, if
you cannot obtain unbleached tampons, this is a great way to
avoid toxic shock syndrome. Except for the use of condoms, I
prefer, no matter what I use, to ask my partner to withdraw
at the time of ejaculation to minimize risk.
your partner is willing to learn the Tantric Technique of ejaculatory
mastery, he can learn how to have full body and mulitple orgasms,
without ejaculating. Many of the Tantric men I know and have
trained acutally prefer to ejaculate less often as their experiences
in orgasm become far superior, and they can make love longer
with in creased energy and vitality. We all know when a man
ejaculates, it's over for a while.
Is Gross - Can I Change Her Mind?
have been going out with the same girl for about two and a half
years now. The other day she told me that she found sex kind
of disgusting sometimes. I mean everything. Kissing, oral, and
intercourse. She does participate sometimes in sex. But I really
don't know if she is telling me the truth and enjoying it.
just trying to figure out if there is anyway to change her mind
about sex without being totally rude about it.
is not unusual. Many women go through moments and periods where
we feel that way sometimes... Usually, it is because our hearts
and minds are not aligned with bliss. Tantra offers a window
into experiencing a higher form of sexuality that includes spirit
and/or energy, that helps one to feel the "good clean fun" aspect of loving sexuality, raising the mood or vibration of
the experience to one of innocence and feeling good.
first thing to determine is if she feels this way all the time
or on occasion. Next, find out what her thoughts are when she
is feeling turned off and explore them to see if they are true
or not. Perhaps she just isn't in the mood at those times. Or
she may have some programming from Church or family that impedes
her ability to let go and just have fun. If she desires to go
deeper into exploring this, she may find that she is operating
from ideas that aren't even true - or anything she even really
agrees with! The key is becoming conscious and listening to
our thoughts to see what they tell us about what we think, believe
and feel about ourselves, then evaluating whether these thoughts
are ones we want to keep or change.
You cannot make her do anything. This exploration would have
to be something she is interested and willing to look at. If
she is not, and your sex life is demonstrably affected, you
may want to re-evaluate the course of the relationship.
Can't I Cum?
I have a sexual problem and have asked many experts, and I have
yet to find the answers/help I am looking for. The problem is
that I cannot achieve an orgasm with a partner. I am a 25 year
old female, and have been sexually active since I was a teenager.
I haven't always had this problem. It has been going on for
about 3 years. I don't have a problem making myself orgasm,
but I can't with anyone else. And it is not for lack of trying
on their part or my own. I am wondering if I have a mental block
or something that is not allowing me to enjoy sex to the fullest.
I know it is not a physical problem. I have read many books
on the subject of orgasms but I have not found my problem addressed
in any of the books I've read. I don't know if it is a problem
for others but I have never heard of it affecting anyone else.
I hope that with your knowledge you may be able to help me,
or maybe point me in the right direction. As you could imagine,
this is a problem that affects me
greatly, and any assistance or advice would be greatly appreciated.
I look forward to your response.
am not sure if this is a problem that can be solved via email
only. This issue would take some delving into your history more
than this email would allow. It can be emotional or physical
- or emotionally based that has manifested in the physical as
shutting down in your vaginal or sexual responsiveness. It could
have to do with trauma or trust issues or just too much stress
and not enough sex. It could be that your lovers are not properly
trained! There are myriad reasons. The key is relaxation and
learning to let go and feel yourself from the inside out more
deeply. Then it takes being with a patient, loving partner,
who is willing to take things slowly, one step at a time.
first step I would recommend is to see a physician to determine
if there is any physical reason for this. As to the other reason,
this is the sort of issue that most likely would require a few
therapy visits to unearth the cause and facilitate you towards
healing. If you have a partner, it might be as simple as attending
a Tantra workshop and practicing some of the techniques such
as G-area massage or it could be more involved. Yoga and dance
can also be helpful in opening the body to more energy flow.
hope this offers you a beginning.
Hello Goddess Shama,
I am a 39 year old woman who has only been involved in this lifestyle for a little less than a year. I am the Goddess and my husband is my devotee. We have been exploring the Goddess worship ceremony for a month now. As my devotee, I expect my husband to do just that, worship me. He has no problems massaging or bathing me, or worshipping my feet, but I feel the ultimate respect a devotee could offer his Goddess is to worship the one area almost all of us women are unhappy with, the butt. Not only do I find it relaxing, but very pleasureful to be worshipped there. The problem is, when I desire it, he hesitates and mainly whines like a child before he breaks down and goes through with it. I was wondering if there was an appropriate penance or punishment that could or should be doled out in times like these. I feel as the Goddess, my desires should be met quickly, obediently and lovingly. So is there some act of discipline I should impose? Secondly, We have not attempted to reach the God within him yet. He says he doesn't feel Godly and is not ready and I am inclined to agree. What I was wondering is, is it OK or proper to invite another God over and have my devotee worship us both so as he can learn how a God should be? This is another are where any form of discipline would be appreciated as I am sure he would not want to learn this way. Not that he is insecure or anything, but I feel this would be the best way for him to learn. Any help you can offer would be greatly appreciated.
Lovingly, Goddess Metha
Dearest Goddess Metha:
Thank you for reaching out. Have you been in the Tantric Lifestyle or is it BDSM? It sounds like you are playing more of the latter - which is okay.
In Tantric lovemaking, the worship of the Goddess is an opportunity to explore the fine art of pleasuring a woman with the Tantric attitude and approach of invoking and exploring the divinity of the Goddess, with reverence, deep honor and respect, as well as with fun, adventure and playfulness. In this type of scenario, the honoring, love and respect goes both ways. There is no assertion, forcing, or play that doesn't express a wholehearted gift of one to the other. Therefore, punnishment is not a part of this scenario.
If you are into BDSM, this is a different story. And this can be played with Tantric consciousness. Even so, it is an agreement between consenting adults for pleasure. If one party doesn't enjoy the experience, unless you have clear, specific pre-arranged agreements around this, then it is a violation of trust. However, if you do have such agreements, and punnishment is part of your "game," then....... make it playful and fun - you may not want to get into too much "negative energy."
As to HIS Divinity... I am sure you both know best what your relationship can handle. Whether to bring in another lover is not about proper or appropriate - if you use this as your yardstick, you may never get to explore anything new! If this feels right to the both of you, that is how to determine what you want to explore. Actually, it is more about mutual consent and loving support of one another. Without that, you could be causing problems difficult to repair.
It is also important to examine both of your motives as you move forward. Whatever you do, if it is not in support of a loving connection between the two of you and others, it could prove problematic.
You are having your own, personal exploration. And there is no one way to do it right. I would recommend that you connect with others who have explored similar things to see how they have handled it... what they did right and what they did that didn't work - so that you don't have to re-invent the wheel. Go on the Internet. Since it sounds like your relationship is more BDSM than Tantric, check out some of those sites. Read some books on Polyamory and see what models best fit the type of relationships you are wanting to create.
As you explore these new arenas, it is best to do some research first, become better informed and move through your own exploration with awareness, love, respect and honoring of one another in the process. A strong, clear primary relationship is what creates that strong foundation of safety so necessary to any type of exploratory play.
Keep me posted on your progress! I am eager to hear how it goes.